Sandy Claws 2

So here we are strolling along the beach and who does one meet - a female!! Good looking one too- and naturally one has to stop for a chat. Wonder what his pick up line was??? Although I suspect Max has a rather un-complicated life - wish it was that easy in human life . . . . .







So the wicked Mamabear gave this as a pressie for the two more 'ahem' maturer blokes in the house to share!!

The story is that we saw this ages ago in a garden center and it was right in front of the main entrance door - right opposite the Sales-till and the sales lady saw I was tempted to urm - run a hand past - well u know :') -- and she said - hehehe 'virtually all the men going past are doing it - so feel free'. She must have told the truth 'cause a special part of her rump was rather shiny and polished!!
Now we have to find a place for Sophyia in our Garden . . . .
Wonder if Grandad likes it, if Sophyia contemplates life outside his Ranch-slider door . . . . .

Yep the SSS (also known as - oops can't tell you) came together and shared in a lovely meal and later admired the lights!!
Food was great and the company even better!!








It took some time and finally (yaaayyyyy) the promised bottle of red - ahem - urm grape juice - was delivered and ceremoniously opened and respectfully disposed of - hicks!!
I have the pic to prove it . . . . . .

Sandy Claws

The cat even got a present on Christmas day!! This is a real cutee and no doubt will have a place of honour - somewhere!













Funny both boys don't like their pic's taken - so when Auntie comes to town they are outnumbered!!












Oh yes; the red suited fella did come down the chimney - amazingly - I know :P








We often go to the beach on Christmas day - and take Max - our Beagle who for some strange reason just hates water, right from a puppy age onwards. Still it was a good walk :D









What is amazing is that he actually let his hair be brushed!! It must have been the "I want to be in Santa's good list" attitude that did it. Or was it the Beer???

Santa Claus caught redhanded

So what does a retired Scoutleader do??? He helps his lovely and long suffering wife with some of her projects. Staking out the house and rigging up a security camera and making sure that our vicious lovable Beagle is fully trained - all this just to make sure we catch Santa in the act!! As we no longer use our chimney Santa had to use some more creative ways in delivering our presents - and finally we caught the red suited Claus red handed. We think he must have already been inside and was just leaving - as he no longer carries a sack full of presents. Shame -- he did get away. Some reindeer hoof prints where later found on the roof and a teeny weeny amount of Elf glitter was seen floating in the air . . . .






PS - Hmmm I should add that for the rope-ladder I used a Marlinspike-knot and - ahem - well a couple of other knots to hold the contraption up!! Old Scout skills can come in handy at times.

100 Christmas Jokes - all new

Found them - some are way new - enjoy these 100 Christmas Jokes!!
Hmmm more like some serious Christmas puns here!!


1. Why did Santa get a ticket on Christmas Eve?
[He left his sled in a Snow Parking Zone.]

2. Why was the manger so crowded on Christmas Eve?
[Because of the 3 Wide Men]

3. Do the female deer like Mrs. Claus?
[Yes. They FAWN all over her.]

4. Why is Rusolph so good at playing trivia?
[He NOSE a lot. (and it's very bright) ;)]

5. What does Rudolph do that bugs Santa?
[He constantly Fa-La-La-La-Lows him.]

6. Where does Santa put his suit after Christmas?
[In the CLAUS- et]

7. What song do socks sing while they hang by the fireplace?
["Silent Night -- HOLEY Night"]

8. What is Santa's favorite basketball team?
[The New York Old St. Knicks]

9. In the World Series, what position does the Christmas turkey play?
[First BASTE]

10. How do Christmas trees keep their breath fresh?
[They suck an orna-MINT.]

11. A Christmas tree that has a big nose is called what?
[PINE-occhio]

12. Where do they make movies about Christmas trees?
[In Tinsel Town]

13. Do Christmas trees knit?
[No. They do NEEDLE-point]

14. Where did Frosty the Snowman meet his wife?
[At the SNOW Ball.]

15. On what holiday did the ham get burnt?
[Crispmas Eve]

16. What do vegetarians wish for at Christmas?
[Peas on Earth and Goodwill toward men]

17. What's Santa's favorite sandwich?
[Peanut Butter & JOLLY]

18. How did Mrs. Santa feel when she forgot to give her goldfish a present?
(GILL-ty]

19. How do fish celebrate Christmas?
[They hang REEFS on the door]

20. Why did Santa start sneezing as he went down the chimney?
[He caught a nasty FLOO]

21. How does Santa scratch an itch?
[With his CLAUS]

22. How do you decorate a canoe for Christmas?
[With OAR-naments]

23. Why was the squirrel mad at Santa?
[Because he got NUT-in for Christmas]

24. How did Santa get lost on Christmas Eve?
[He got MIS-sled]

25. What did Santa bring the bear for Christmas?
[A CUB-vertible]

26. Are are bears sure that Santa Claus coming to town?
[They're PAWS-ative]

27. Where do the bears celebrate Christmas with their family?
[In log CUB-ins]

28. What does a grizzly bear decorate his Christmas tree with?
[GRRRRRRRR-land]

29. How did Santa do at the comedy club?
[He SLEIGHED everyone]

30. Why are Christmas presents so easy to tease?
[Because they take a lot of RIBBON]

31. What Christmas carols do dog like to sing?
[Deck the HOWLS]

32. Who brings Christmas present to fleas?
[Old St. TICK]

33. Why is the Christmas present an honors student?
[Because it's a GIFT-ed student]

34. Where do the reindeer go for Christmas dinner?
[To their AUNT-ler 's house]

35. What did the headless horseman get for Christmas?
[A very nice necktie]

36. What do witches sing on Christmas?
[JINXle Bells]

37. Who's worth about 5 cents at Christmas?
[Old St. NICKEL]

38. Why do sharks love Santa so much?
[Because he's a JAW-ly good fellow]

39. What does a snake sing at Christmas?
[SSSsssssssssssilver Bells]

40. What happened when Santa parked his sled illegally?
[He was Mistle-TOWED]

41. Where do the three wise men go to get their robes tailored?
[Bethle- HEM]

42. What vacuum does Rudolph use?
[A HOOFER]

43. What kind of mobile phone has Santa got?
[Pay as you Ho, Ho, Ho]

44. Why does Father Christmas cry a lot?
[Because he gets SANTA-mental]

45. How does Santa take pictures?
[He uses a North POLE-aroid]

46. What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
["Best VICIOUS of the season."]

47. What do you get if you cross an archer with a gift wrapper?
[Ribbon Hood]

48. What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
[ Do I have to eat these brussell sprouts?]

49. Who beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
[Tarzipan]

50. What do you drain your Christmas brussels sprouts with?
[An Advent COLANDER]

51. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
[Cross-Mouse Cards]

52. What's very scary and squeaks?
[The Ghost of Christmas Past]

53. What did the sheep say to Santa?
[Season's BLEATINGS]

54. What's an Ig?
[An igloo without the toilet]

55. What do snowmen have for breakfast?
[Snowflakes or Ice Krispies]

56. What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
[Frostbite]

57. What's Santa's favorite Chinese dish?
[Stir-fried Ice and Chilly sauce]

58. What do you get in December that you don't get in any other month?
[The letter "D"]

59. What do skunks sing at Christmas?
[Jingle Smells]

60. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
[It's Christmas, Eve.]

61. Which of the reindeer has the worst manners?
[RUDE- olph]

62. What do you tell a stressed snowman?
[Chill out!]

63. What do you call a snowman in July?
[A Puddle]

64. What's a snowman's favorite Mexican food?
[Brrrrrrrr- itos]

65. What's the least exciting animal at the North Pole?
[Polar BORE]

66. Why couldn't the cat work her new DVD player?
[She kept hitting the "PAWS" button]

67. What song does Santa love to sing?
[You beard-er watch out...You beard-er not crying...."]

68. What does Santa get on his suit when he ice skates?
[RINK around the collar]

69. What holiday drink gets on your nerves?
[Egg-NAG]

70. What did the spider want for Christmas?
[A book of all the hottest websites!]

71. Why shouldn't you write a letter to Santa?
[You shouldn't put all your begs in one "Ask it."]

72. What makes December a warm month?
[The "embers" in it.]

73. What nationality is Santa Claus?
[North POLE-ish]

74. How does an Eskimo put his Christmas decorations on?
[Igloos it on.]

75. How do you get an elephant into a Christmas cracker?
[Take out the party hat first.]

76. What's thoughtful and frozen and goes, "Drip! Drip!?"
[NICE - icles.]

77. What does Santa Claus eat at a Mexican restaurant?
[Chimney-chongas]

78. What's purple and sticky and goes, "Ho, Ho, Ho?"
[JELLY Old St. Nicholas]

79. What will happen if your naughty before Christmas?
[YULE be sorry!]

80. Which Christmas carol never gets sung?
[The SECOND Noel]

81. What happened when Santa got a sore throat before Christmas?
[He had to have his TINSELS taken out.]

82. What's a farmer's favorite Christmas carol?
[I'm Dreaming of a WHEAT Christmas]

83. What's a snowman's favorite grade in school?
[FROST Grade]

84. What goes, "Ho, Ho, Whoosh! Ho, Ho, Whoosh!"?
[Santa wearing corduroy]

85. Which winter sport to trees participate in?
[Al-PINE skiing]

86. Which of Santa's reindeer was a U.S. President?
[Nixon]

87. What do elves play Solitaire with?
[Christmas cards]

88. What Christmas carol does Swiss cheese like to sing?
[Deck the HOLES]

89. Where do sheep shop for Christmas presents?
[WOOL-mart]

90. What do you call a really weird Christmas fair?
[A Christmas Bizarre]

91. What is a politician's favorite Christmas carol?
[I'm Dreaming of a WHITE HOUSE Christmas]

92. Why did the karate instructor admire Santa?
[Because he had a BLACK BELT]

93. Why are green and red the colors of Christmas?
[Because it's a HOLLY- day]

94. What do you give an artistic dog for Christmas?
[Fetch-A-Sketch]

95. What are red and green and grow on the ocean floor?
[Christmas Corals]

96. Why did the snowman put his friend on hold?
[He had COAL-waiting.]

97. When does Santa bring a toad his presents?
[One FROGGY Christmas Eve]

98. What is the best day to drink egg nog?
[On the THIRST day of Christmas]

99. What does one business person say to another business person on Christmas?
[Season's MEETINGS]

100. Who did Adam ask to the holiday party?
[Christmas Eve]

101. When does Christmas come before Halloween?
[When you look them up in the dictionary]

102. Why did the thermometer break?
[The temperature dropped]

103. Why was the computer so quiet on Christmas Eve?
[Not a creature was stirring....not even a MOUSE.]

104. What do Santa's helpers do to work out their problems?
[They go to an ELF-help group.]

105. What does Little Miss Muffet mail to her friends at the holidays?
[Christmas CURDS]

106. What do reindeer plant in the fall?
[Christmas Bulbs]

107. What did Santa say when he built a ski resort?
[I'm making a LIFT, I'm checking it twice.]

108. How did the detective find the stolen Christmas tree?
[He looked for Santa CLUES]

109. What do you get when you combine hot sauce with a Christmas bow?
[Barbeque RIB-bons]

110. Why does everyone enjoy December?
[Because it's a WIN-win-ter situation.]

111. What is Mr. and Mrs. Claus's kid called?
[SON-ta]

112. What does Santa wear on his head to keep warm?
[A Polar Ice Cap]


if your still here - u may enjoy these too: :)

Politically-correct-night-before-christmas.html

12-days-of-christmas-downsized.html

Some-christmas-jokes.html

More-christmas-jokes.html

A Harley Rider and the deal he made with God

Ok - don't blame me for this one - I got it given from an 80 plus year old and the old ladies at church loved it. The joke is about a Harley rider and the deal he made with God . . . .

A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach in Australia when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said 'because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'build a bridge to New Zealand so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'





The Lord replied; - ' You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas

'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas:

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Weather forecast for Christmas Day

LOL - sounds like a snow storm brewing - wonder if this weather forecast for Christmas day will come true

Christmas Forecast

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers,dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to the next two days, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the
day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops.

By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Christmas traditions - in other places

In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit.

In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can roller-skate to church.

An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.

It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction.

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in red.

In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms for riding.



I never knew those - wonder what they do in other countries - like in Mexico ? or . . .

PC Christmas wishes

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday,practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious/secular traditions at all.
As well, please enjoy a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and it is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Oh sod it! Happy Christmas


No reindeer or barns were injured during the making of these greetings.




Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor. But he didn't have as good a publicity agent as those other guys, so he never got as famous. In fact, only one Xmas song celebrates his part in the proceedings, is "O Holy Knight."

Twelve days of Christmas and it's true cost

The Price Of True Love

The price of giving all the items bestowed by the "true love" of the song
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" may be a little beyond most people's budget. The following costs were calculated for 1998, based upon a report issued in 1995 by PNC Bank Corp., assuming an annual rate of inflation of 2.5 percent
1. Partridge in a pear tree $38
2. Turtle doves $54
3. French hens $16
4. Calling birds $302
5. Gold rings $485
6. Geese-a-laying $162
7. Swans-a-swimming $7,538
8. Maids-a-milking $37
9. Pipers piping $2,807
10. Ladies dancing $3,245
11. Lords-a-leaping $1,194
12 Drummers drumming $1,293

Total to give gifts once $17,170
Total to give as in song* $78,986

* Singing the song in its entirety results in 364 presents. The partridge is given 12 times, two doves 11 times (22 total), etc., etc., etc...


Hmmmm wonder what it would cost in todays $ times????? Then again to some people this would be real cheap, although I would suggest it misses the point of Christmas altogether . . . .

then of course - gifts can be a double edged sword as Frank Kelly found out
enjoy

Christmas Jokes

Thehehehehe
more in the same vein - these Christmas jokes just keep coming and clogging up my email . . . .

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?

She gave him the cold shoulder!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !

How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !

And these gems arrived yesterday

The Five Ages of Man
(1) He believes in Santa Claus.
(2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
(3) He dresses up to look like Santa Claus.
(4) He looks like Santa Claus.
(5) He believes he IS Santa Claus

• My stockings were hanging by the chimney with care,I'd been wearing them for months and they needed the air
  

• I saw the .gifs of three Weissmans at a Bar Mitzvah.

• If Santa went surfing would he look for a beach with a Yule tide?

• A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards."What Denomination?" asked the clerk."Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic."

• Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"

• It's so embarrassing, getting drunk on eggnog. What can you say to people? You're under the influence of cinnamon?

• At the last Christmas party, the secretary with the long, red hair ate three pickles and four co-workers panicked!

• I just bought a great gift for my boss. A leaky ant farm.
  

• Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

• There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
  

• The post office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile" they throw it underhand.
  

• One Fifth Avenue jewelry store is offering a Christmas deal. They're selling a diamond pendant with matching earrings for $140,000. Gift-wrapping is $4.50 extra.

• I had a miserable Christmas. My mother-in-law came and she's such a comic. She gave us a set of towels marked, "Hers" and "Its."

• Have you seen that new doll that wets and gets diaper rash? It prepares kids for what they'll want to be as adults: Celibate.

• Ever wonder how many kids write Thank-you letters to Santa after Christmas?
  

• Christmas used to come once a year. With installment payment, it now comes once-a-week.
  

• Dasher: Hey, what's that reindeer doing with Santa's sled??? Rudolph: He's just Vixen the broken engine.

• One Christmas Eve a policeman found a man on the pavement who had been knocked over."Did you get the car's registration number?" the policeman asked."No," said the man, "but I'd recognize those reindeer anywhere."
  

• Tina always put a great big arrow next to her house so that Santa wouldn't forget to visit."But he always comes," said Tina's mom."I know," said Tina." It works every time."

• I got a $5 for Christmas, but the cat ate it. Never mind, it's always good to keep something in the kitty.
  

• Jimmy got a brand new bike for Christmas. He whizzed down a hill (showing off) yelling," Look, Tina, no hands!"As the bike picked up more speed, he yelled, "Look, Tina, no feet!"As he crashed into the back of a bus, he yelled, "Nooook, Ina, no teef!"

Finally - you have to give credit for quick thinking on this one . . . .

Three guys pass away on Christmas Eve and are met by St.Peter.
St. Peter says, "In honor of the season, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas." The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two lighters. He holds them up proudly and flicks them on. "What do they symbolize?" asks St. Peter.
"They're candles!" "Ah! You may pass through the Pearly Gates."

The second man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a couple sets of keys. He holds them up proudly and shakes them. "What do they symbolize?" inquires St. Peter.
"They're bells!" "Ah! You may pass through the pearly gates!"

The third man fumbles desperately through his pockets, finally pulling out a skimpy pair of silky woman's panties. He holds them up proudly. Puzzled, St. Peter asks, "What do they symbolize?"
"They're Carol's!"

more jokes ca be found here:

christmas-reindeer-jokes

12-days-of-christmas-downsized

extreme-weather-forcast-for-christmas-day

pc-christmas-wishes

Christmas Reindeer jokes

Urm - you know with the internet - I got these given for work - they are some short Christmas reindeer jokes. Enjoy


One day, Santa saw a young deer with a glowing nose of red...he smiled at him and waved to young creature. The deer dropped his bottle of gin and exclaimed "Oh Sh!t...it's Santa!" And ran away. Santa rubbed his beard and shook his head. "I think I'll call that one Rude-off."

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !

Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !

How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !

Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Because his brown ones were all muddy !

How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !

Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !

Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !

What do reindeer have that no other animals have ?
Baby reindeer !


This is the tale of the Crist family who worked at a zoo. Each year they claimed to be able to predict the overall mood of the year by watching the animals. In particular, the gnu's who, if their ears were forward, predicted a successful, joyous year, but it their ears were laid back flat, predicted a sorrowful, disastrous year. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animals and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to check on the gnus. Well, she botched it, predicting a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. In explanation, the next winter solstice, the local newspaper ran the following headline: ...
Mary Crist misses an happy gnu's ear!


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat jolly old man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.


Dasher: Hey, what's that reindeer doing with Santa's sled?
Rudolph: He's just Vixen the broken engine


Disaster-weather-forcast-for-christmas-day

Twelve-days-of-christmas-and-its-true.html

Christmas-traditions-in-other-places.html


There must be more - feel free to leave your jokes via the comments section