The Speech I wrote - and then Pam said NO speeches! So here it is - read it at your leisure . . . . .
Friends, Romans - lend me your ears, so that I can paint you a picture or two . . . .
Apologies to Shakespeare
Tomorrow we will have our actual 40th wedding anniversary.
Typical wedding - so it would seem. Let me fill you in on some of the "unusual" behind the scenes happenings
First up - I have been in country for just under 3 weeks and have met already with the young adults at Durham Street Methodist Church- urm - twice - incl Pam when, I got picked up by her family for a post church Sunday picnic - or did I cycle there - can't remember that part. After the meals etc - I asked Pam, if there was much else to enjoy/see/do at the Groynes - so we went for a stroll across the hill to the paddle boats and visited the nearby ice cream shop.
By the time we came back to the folks waiting for us, we were holding hands - (and as Tom Hanks espouses in Sleepless in Seattle: And I knew it. It was like magic!)
Dads reactionary thinking was, quote -- "My word - he is a fast worker" - More on that later . . .
Fast forward some months - and I had already suggested / hinted to Pam that we should get married! We would make a great couple . . . .
Now I know; traditionally, the bloke gets on one knee - he whips out a tiny box with an even tinier bit of glittery bling and utters the immortal words - 'Will you marry me?' and the prospective bride blushes and goes all giddy and yes yes yes - huggy huggy kissy kissy . . . . puts ring on and proudly shows it off to all concerned . . .
WELL
Nothing remotely like that happened here.
First of all - I was poor. I had to sell my hard saved for car in Austria, just to be able to make the flight to NZ for my year-long Order of St. Stephen voluntary service (which gave board/food and "pocket money = an allowance just enough to buy a ice cream and movie ticket or so)
Secondly - we were sitting in the back pew in our Church!! No knee bending there. I happen to point out to Pam the scripture reading for the day - saying something along the lines of - "that man will leave his family and country and join with a new woman to be as ONE etc" Looking at Pam I say - see even the Bible thinks its a good reason to get married - so shall we??? (looks pleadingly)
Pam goes - oh well - urm - ok - yeah ok
I do not remember much from the service after that - and I am sure the facing choir must have been thinking - why is this dork grinning like an idiot during the entire service?????
We did not say anything to anyone post church service/morning tea! Pam wanted to wait for her University results and have a diploma in her hand when informing her parents of our engagement. She broke the news to her parents the following Tuesday - and I was summoned! Right there -- an amazing unexpected thing took place!
Pam and her mum immediately went into the lounge next door and despite the wall and door and stuff - I could hear them excitingly jabbering away (all good there) - while I was left to face the Spanish inquisition!!! I mean - as far as Pam and myself were concerned this was a done deal - and still I had to do this 'traditional' face the father and ask for permission thing!!
It did not go to well - until half an hour later, I pulled a dirty trick, and reminded him on how he came to NZ by himself and later had a bride following from UK and what was he thinking then????? Score one for me!!
The following Wed we went into town and visited a low-grade jeweler and Pam picked a ring with two glitzy NON diamond artificial stones (probably glass), which needed adjusting for her finger size. I payed with weeks of saved for cash - a lean time with no treats ever. I have to tell you - and this was the first and only time ever, that I felt truly ashamed for being poor or without any means. Further - how do the blokes manage to get a ring that always fits perfectly on the gal's finger!! Do they measure in the dark of the night????
That Friday we picked up the ring and booked ourselves into a 2 night stay into a Timaru Motel to celebrate and some quite, reflective, reassuring us-time, while the engagement announcement and the storm broke in Christchurch.
By the time we came back the ring was on the finger and it was an accepted thing - nothing much anyone could do . . .
Fast forward to the Wedding. I personally happen to think that the Engagement is a far more important event- after all, it is saying to the world that you are off limits and to be regarded as a couple!! The 'wedding part' is just the public celebration of that fact!! Just as long as Mary is not getting pregnant by Joseph . . . Prior to the wedding . . . or Census
Anyhow
THE day approaches - and to be fair - I had never been to a wedding - most of my cousins/ friends I knew in Austria would get married - while I was working! No Google either and my total sum knowledge of what is going to or expected to be happening was purely from snippets of various conversations! With the Order of St. Stephen time/work having ended I was practically unemployed and also homeless. Luckily for me - Geoff and Doreen Hill took me into their house the last week prior to the wedding and shepherded me forwards! They became my substitute parents for the day - a relationship that carried on long afterwards. Still, I missed out on some decent advice despite that; - guess they took things, that I ought to have known, for granted!!
The appointed time was 1.30pm!! It was a hot day and it got more uncomfortable as time passed! Durham street Methodist church had this clock facing the Minister officiating and also to the choir! It had to be manually wound up and I am convinced that it was possessed by some evil spirit!! It runs like a Hare when things go well - songs etc - but puts to shame a tortoise when the minister is preaching! I am convinced the hands slow down just to tease you! So here is me standing at the appointed time and the clock already slowing to a standstill -- and no Pam!!!! Do you know how l o n g a minute is?????
Me to best Men - 'you got that ring safely stashed??" -- yes
Should we be standing or sitting?? -- dunno
Is that clock properly wound up?? -- yes
About that ring -- yes its safe
Both of them??? -- yes
20 seconds later - Hot isn't it -- yeah
30 seconds - no sign of The Bride ae - yeah no sign of her
35 seconds - Is it traditional in NZ that Brides are late -- dunno
40 seconds - Is that the intro to the service that the Organist is practicing?? -- I dunno
45 seconds - What could possibly keep her??? Flat tire?? -- Dunno
50 seconds - sighs
60 seconds - so about that ring -- shut up
1 min and 20 seconds - if she is real late - do I have time to go for a whizz???? NO - be patient
2 minutes - Rings have not fallen out through a hole in your pockets?? --Dude?!?!?!?! Chill out . . .
3 minutes - no sign of her . . . silence from best man.
3 minutes 20 seconds - These rings - they are . . . . Shut it
4 minutes - You sure this clock is wound up properly - seems awfully slow today!! -- Sighs
4 minutes 30 seconds - MAYBE she got cold feet???? Maybe she came to her senses and changed her mind??? -- Yeah she could have. . Hey - that's not reassuring!!
5 Minutes -- Dude these rin- - - - wait - is there some excitement at the front door?? Yeah the camera guy is running out and the organist is perking up - yess - we are in business... Phew
Pam will tell you that there were some last minute dress-fixing things to be done - like removing sewing pins left behind by the seamstress who altered / fitted her dress!! Other then that - she was perfectly on time! Reminds me of that song from "My Fair Lady"!! So the service starts late - it should be the story of my life - I am always ready and have to wait for Pam to catch up.
Anyhow - the Service starts and everything goes swimmingly. Clergy does his bits and sermons and we say the usual I do's and 'till death parts -and so forth -
WHEN
the Minister says " Now you m a y kiss the Bride" - Don't mind if I do . . .
Hey WAIT a minute - What, N O W I may 'legally" kiss my wife???? You mean to tell me that the previous 10 months or so we snogged ill-legally????? Where is the nearest confessional???? Also - I have an Immigration dude meeting to determine my residency application - and if he hears that . . .. ok- I deal with that later . . .
Last act of the service - being marched out to the Tune "Austria"!! Now to be fair, - not a lot of resources to check up on - no google - and It IS appearing in the Methodist Hymn book and the Author I S listed as Hayden (a native Austrian; so a fair assumption that this Tune could be the actual Austrian National Anthem - sooo a natural easy pick - yes??? Pfft - My Parents who got a tape of the service did ask - WHY we walked out to the German national anthem!?! Imagine a kiwi getting married in Lithuania and they play the Aussie national anthem; - close - but not close enough! Still; it could have been worse - we could have marched out to Stars and Stripes!!! Or in Raukura's place to the glasses clinking from all the aftershocks from the September shake!
Now we come to what Grandad always affectionately called " The AFTER match function!!"
Two things stick out from there.
Everything ran according to convention 'till we got to the Cake cutting time. It might explain why sometime last year, at dinner, Michael suddenly asks" What do you do in the morning?? Flick a coin??"
Ok - wait what??? -- Michael:- " Do you flick a coin in the morning to see who gets to wear the pants for the day??? I never know who is in charge or makes decisions between you two!!" Poor Michael.
I had to go and dig out the wedding pictures to be 100% sure!!
N O R M A L L Y - one picks up the knife by the handle (often the bloke) and the other (often the Gal) places gently a hand on top of the knife holding hand - this is usually a very keenly observed event, because it tells the public who is the "in charge, wearing the pants" person and who is the "shepherding/guiding" person!! Useful to know later on, when meeting etc . . .
Anyhow - I had to be sure - really sure, really really sure, and yup - looking at that picture - there are one, two - wait , three and yes four hands round that very sharp knife!!
Not only that - I seem to remember that there was a brief - urm - tussle - urm
discussion on, we cut here - no there - no really here - ok there . . . . . . . Sorry Michael - we still toss a dice - sometimes twice or three times a day!!The other ever larger looming event - was - what is known as the "speeches"!
First up was Grandad - and he remembered the "my word, he is a fast worker" thought!! Hilarious! Grandad always had a way with words!! Hard act to follow he was. .
Looming up fast was the grooms speech!! I dreaded that - firstly because I always preferred to be in the back ground - never have liked public speaking - always been bad at it - making a royal meal of it right now -
and - without any clue or help from the non-existing google - W H A T does the Groom a c t u a l l y say!??????! I mean, I heard stories of NZ blokes (having enjoyed the liquid nectar) going : urm - yeah - cough so yeah and pause - yeah!! Dreadful
So I did what most self respecting blokes would do in my place - I chickened out!!
Well - I could do that because I had an ACE up my sleeve!!! I muttered two lines and then handed over to my freshly minted wife - whom I knew well enough to know, that she wanted to have a place/time to say a word or two on our behalf as well! My marriage would be off to a bad start if I denied her the opportunity. So two lines from me and I sat down and I could feel the ripples of some astonishment running through the attending guests - which also quickly were washed away with - ah well - he is from another country after all and they MAY have different customs! - We do actually!! Certainly NOT being conventional today!! I have the image here too - Pam standing in her finest - hands on table and in all earnest delivering her thoughts!! Saved by -- the wife!!! yussss
Now that you are nearly asleep or bored enough - let me paint you the last image before I hand over to my darling wife so she can give her witty insightful wisdom to impart - urm - yeah that thing!!!
Lastly - we had our honeymoon!!! Not much that can go wrong there - right!?
We had booked ourselves into a cheap hotel in Oxford and stayed 1 night! The building still stands; the businesses is long gone!!
Weirdly enough - I seem to remember that we were t h e singularly only staying guests - not another soul to be seen!
Time to come back to Chch and pack up and face reality as a married couple! Grandad had kindly transferred ownership of the Vauxhall Viva "Family car" to Pam. Neither Mum nor Rachel would ever drive it so it seemed a good fit! We crammed most of our belongings (80-something % wedding presents) into the boot and headed away in search of a Ferry in Picton!! Luckily for us - The Peaches gave us access to their Batch up near there and we could gather our thoughts for a few days, before we hit Wellington and a new life/reality. Pam had already started her job up there, and prior to coming down for the wedding had organized a rental - a 2 bedroom flat (modern woman she is) and then went in search for a bed, which was found at a second hand dealer in L Hutt - who promised an overnight delivery - which turned out to be 9 days later!! So the poor girl had: Timber floor - sleeping-bag and that's it for 9 days!! Talk about roughing it - ALONE no less!!
The day dawned that we had to catch that tiny boat. We decided to be a little early (just in case) and I went out to car and - "Honey does this look ok to you??? Seems it is on a weird lean!"
Walking around it, we found the rear tire had sprung a leak!! N O big deal - I had plenty of tire changing experiences in Austria!! easy peasy . . .
Honey where is the spare tire in this car??? What -- you kidding me - in the BOOT?????? Scratches head!! Ah well - there is nothing for it.
I open the boot and start unloading and you stand there and receive and hopefully remember more or less the order all our wedding presents (many still in their wrappers) come out - because - that's the order they have to go back in!! We packed it so tightly, fully up to the roof, that you could not plunge a knife-blade in in-between the items!! I had visions of some things not making it back into the boot and we might have to strap some pots and pans to the roof or have them on our knees in the passenger seat!!
Visualize that scene - a mountain of household items / linen etc piled feet high, good looking girl looking on, while the handsome bloke gets his hands and shirt dirty!!! You know - - not a single unkind word was said - it went like clock work!! I still believe that the ol' dude upstairs - or his helper - my far to early departed brother - looked out for us that day!! Thanks ol' Dude!!! BTW - Thanks to David and Dale not only for the batch - but also for the Pots and Pans - which we still use today after all these years - well - they got a new handles, but yeah!! So everything fitted back into the boot and we found the boat in good time to cross the Cook Straight . . .
And so - we settled into Wellington!
We had each other.
We had a roof over our heads.
We had a bed to fall into.
We had, thanks to Pam, an income that let us buy food!!
We did NOT have: a lounge suite, or a coffee table to rest your feet on, or a dining table or chairs, no fridge, no washing machine, no Ironing board, no Wardrobe or drawers for clothes (living out of suitcases for a while). I had no job, so every morning said goodbye to Pam as she trundled off to her employer and banked the nations electricity (feeling super rich carrying banking cheque's to the various banks worth 5 or 24 or 70 million NZ $$$). My time was spent straightening out the Flat - saying hello to our neighbors and their brute of a dog, and apart from job hunting being the "domesticated" partner of the marriage!! VERY conventional!!!
Everything we have / own now, has been a 40 year long slog!!
And so - we settled into Wellington!
We had each other.
We had a roof over our heads.
We had a bed to fall into.
We had, thanks to Pam, an income that let us buy food!!
We did NOT have: a lounge suite, or a coffee table to rest your feet on, or a dining table or chairs, no fridge, no washing machine, no Ironing board, no Wardrobe or drawers for clothes (living out of suitcases for a while). I had no job, so every morning said goodbye to Pam as she trundled off to her employer and banked the nations electricity (feeling super rich carrying banking cheque's to the various banks worth 5 or 24 or 70 million NZ $$$). My time was spent straightening out the Flat - saying hello to our neighbors and their brute of a dog, and apart from job hunting being the "domesticated" partner of the marriage!! VERY conventional!!!
Everything we have / own now, has been a 40 year long slog!!
Still those of you still awake and insightful will have noted that some things have not changed - I am again the domesticated partner of the marriage and woo me, if dinner is not on the table when Pam gets home from work!!!
And you know what ---I would not have it ANY other way!!!
Honey - wanna wrap this up with a couple of insightful, witty sentences, so these good folks whom I have bored to sleep, can have their cake and go home????
Before you do - I once again saved some of my "allowance" dollars for this special - true 40th color stone - its the real thing btw, so if you please crane your neck and let me hang . . . .
Cheers to you all and thanks for being part of our (non) conventional lives, and having helped to celebrate our milestone!!!
PS - that is - was - the ONLY time e v e r in my life - that I got a Telegram (at my wedding)!!
Honey - over to you
Have fun!
.JPG)
