Monday, November 6, 2017

Santa Clause and the FAA rules - why he may be late delivering Christmas presents this year

Monday, November 6, 2017
oldbearnews editor
It happens pretty much every year.   Santa Claus is a slippery customer - his exact  location is unknown although rumor has it he has some form of abode in the colder regions of the north pole.  The way the ice cap is doing up there (assuming you belief in global climate changes) that would be mostly UNDER the water - or ice pack.  In any case the Federal Aviation Authority (FAA ) is trying to catch up with Santa.

 Reasons - all to do with the health and safety act at various workplaces. some of the issues relate to suitable running lights on his sleigh - or lack thereof / lack of suitable safety harnesses  being mounted on-board (no evidence of a seat-belt) / having non-standard landing gear / no anti-skid systems installed on the sleigh / the annual inspections (WOF) missed  or not reported  let alone passed / the lack of suitable paperwork filed covering a flight plan and risk-management for passengers and goods and services carried  / unauthorized take-off's and landings and especially in areas of high population concentrations - speak towns / rumors of his workforce doing no pre-testing for future planned and newly discovered  landing sites - no touch and go round flight training / lack of post flight reports filed in terms of near misses or other issues that need rectifying or addressing.  Then there is the issue of a non-standard flight suit (some red flowing cape/coat) being worn by an old dude with long white beard!

Further issues not related to the FAA concern animal welfare. Reports are filtering in about mistreatment of some reindeer who have to work despite being in some way handicapped by some enormous red nose. Rumors could not yet be verified that the Reindeer are on a strict vegan diet of carrots only (which could account for the red noses).  The RSPCA is trying to investigate further.

The Ministry for Work and Safety is also investigating other aspects of this operation.  Lacking are documentation for the workshop under the Resource Management Act, its layout and lack of suitable signage (fire-exits) visible .  Missing are also files covering risk management plans for the workforce  (we are told it is a virtual slave labour by minors or other small people and the Labour Department is trying to look further in to this, to see if the workers rights are being honored ).  The Unions have been trying for years to organize the labour force yet failed to get access to the work-site let alone of the workers! Annual inspections never happened as the various Government inspectors could never find the place or make suitable appointments in advance !

Lastly we are sure that the owner (Santa Claus) never uses his sign in /out board, so one can never tell if he is at home or away - presumably delivering prezzies for the children or sourcing the materials needed to make the gifts -  which is against the standard risk practices in business.  Imagine if the workshop should get flooded by the melting north pole ice sheet and no one can be sure if Santa was at home - or relaxing on a warm sunny beach someplace in the tropics.

Thus if any of the authorities finally do catch up with Santa his promise for a delivery on 25 Dec could all be a teeny weeny bit delayed.   Given that we have always tried to capture him when entering our house via chimney and bribe him to stay with an offer of cookies and warm milk - and lately tried a 24 / 7 surveillance via go-pro camera system,  and have FAILED to even capture an image, I am confident that this Christmas will go as smoothly as all other previous  celebratory events.  Thus Santa Claus continues to be a slippery customer - and is probably safe. 


Guess Christmas will happen after all . .. . or at least the gifting of presents!!

Have fun! bear print

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