Friday, November 15, 2013

Virgin-busters win hands down against Roast-busters

Friday, November 15, 2013
oldbearnews editor
Regular readers will know - musings here are always lighthearted- perhaps with a tongue-in-cheek feel - or even outrageously stupid (probably more often then not).
This  entry is in the same vein - but in a twisted sense of humour also is (sadly) a comment on recent happenings in New Zealand.
Seems there is a group of late wannabe teenagers / young adults who have been more then little rascals - the so called Roast-busters.  Now anyone in good Ol Kiwiland will know that these young blokes up in Auckland seem to operate on a principle of hmmm make that on the assumption that young ladies like nothing better then getting some, even if it means perhaps offering them alcohol or drugs of sorts and then afterwards brag about it on FB and publicly name and shame the young girls.  The fact that many of them (girls)  are or were underage at the time didn't seem to have mattered for two years now even though it is clearly against the law.  At least now with the media spotlight on them - there may be a end to the group.  Why do I mention this? Well - glad you asked   :)

The troops got invited out, to share in a Barbeque at a friends place. The term Barbeque  often gets shortened to bbq or more affectionately "Barbie".  This of course - can lead to urm - interesting comments and rest assured they flowed freely for a while.   Little did we know that the "Barbie" was a good to true honest Virgin purchase.  It has never been used.  Brand new. Untouched. Never been messed around with. Unspoilt!
You get the Picture.  I am sure the lad who 'owns'  Barbie was a bit nervous about firing her up. So naturally he sought the comfort of his mates or should that be advise and help!?  Turns out that we had to do the honour
our-self after all.  First up -  some homemade triple decker burger. Yummy = KFC eat your heart out!!  Then it was time to do the urm deed.  You know how it goes - you have to find the right button to push, in order to get some heat going.  Brush was able to just do that - fiddling with the knobs long enough to get some warm responses.
Pretty soon it was time to liberally apply some oil and rub it in on every surface - hmm top surface of the new Barbie - this is called 'seasoning in'!!

Hurrah hurrah - see it is all in your head!!  Here is proof of it - shame of you - anyhow the Barbie is now well and truly soiled and warmed up and is doing its job it was designed for - providing joy and pleasure to a man!! On went the chicken kebabs / burgers / lamb-roast/ various bangers / some fresh crayfish / a seasoned steak and various other meaty dishes.  You can't say that we lack imagination - certainly not when it comes to food and Barbies!!
Meanwhile - just to 'lighten up the mood'  this 'Look were is wally' look-alike person sat down in a comfy chair in order to take a well earned break - only to find herself sinking even to lower levels. It had nothing to do with a weight to cloth ratio - rather Mr Schick left the chair outside too long and the sun weakened the structural integrity of the material and when pressure was applied to it - it just clean snapped in half.  hmmm sounds rather familiar! I remembers a report into one of the failed buildings from the last series of earthquakes in Christchurch.

Reaches for another glass of red medicinal drink and - *cough* continues with the story.   It did look very uncomfortable, so soon enough a new chair was found. At least we had no trouble finding wally  :)
Not wanting to be left behind, or was it a case of must show my sexy "THIN" legs someone else showed of a bit of flesh.  Not sure how the fishing went, but rest assured no bites where forth coming! Maybe he was just making a point that his legs beat barbies legs any-day?!
Now, as any self-respecting bloke knows, a Barbie with out some magic mushroom is just not good enough. I was soon tasked with chopping up the Agaricus campestris :)  got yah; -- the Fungi! No drugs in these rest assured - although the way we consume them, it makes you wonder. They certainly soon ballooned out to a decent feed.

A close up of said fungi - all ready to be deep fried on the grill, hmm there is a oxymoron. Anyhow - it is amazing what can be achieved with a bit of butter and herbs - some garlic and the coup-d-etat a glass of red medicinal drink - sauteed until they are soft and caramelized!!  yummmy

Some old insecurities showed and pretty soon the question become one of - 'Do I look big in this?"  or 'Hows my bum look in this?' I managed to re-assure the bloke and told him he looked fetching.

Urm - how did this slip in here?? 
Having used and soiled the Barbie - it was soon time to set up the table and share the fruits of our labours round.  There was enough to feed an army.
The question you want to ask is - "how does he manage to turn on the grin like that?? Does he own a on/of switch on some secret location".
or is it just his way to say hello ?? Does he own shares in a Dental clinic? And given the devastating smile - why the need to go and BUY a barbie when any half self respecting maiden would just be floored by this grin!!! hmm there is more that COULD be said - but you know how it goes - what happens on camp stays at camp.  Although it has been used to brag about it on FB and on here. . . . .
Do you know the song - 99 bottles of beer stand on the wall . . . .

Not quite that many, but getting there.
Somewhat sexy calves! Its summer time and you see more and more of them.  You'd think though that these would be shaved! Seems a natural Forrest is preferred - must be a Man-thing!! Or was the Mo-vember message getting garbled . . . . .

Afterwards - it was time for some dessert. Plenty of cream was shared round and was there some form of buttered bun too??  - idk - I kinda missed out.
Last thing to say is that 3 members of the local gang were missing in action! 2 of them were on active duty while the other is still marooned at her majesty's expense. Time to put a decent strategy in place and rescue 'Smilie'   We did try and make contact with her - but sadly there was no time to chat with her as she was chained again to the gang and had to work hard.  You all were missed.

Coming back to the opening lines - one can have a barbie and have fun with her at the same time - without ever being indecent or rude about it let alone brag about it - and no need to name and shame the latest conquest!
So I make this Virgin-busters 1 and Roast-busters - a big fat ZERO!

I steps down from soapbox and gets into the kitchen to re-work leftovers for dinner

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